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Über die Zeit haben sich bei mir einige Witze angesammelt, die euch hier vorstellen möchte. Ich hoffe Ihr habt viel Spaß dabei. I collected some jokes which I would like to present to you here on this web page. I hope you will have a lot of fun with them. |
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An old manAn elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death's agony, he
suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies
wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and
lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly
made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort
forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both
hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame,
gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would
have thought himself already in heaven! here, spread out upon
newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his
favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or was it one
final act of love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he
left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he
threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled
posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the
cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to
life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a
cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked
with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those," she
said, "they're for your funeral." RecyclingA French man is having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter
and jam at the breakfast table when an American sits down next to
him. The Frenchman ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts
a conversation. "You French folk eat the whole bread?"
asks the American, with a large piece of chewing gum in his
mouth. "Of course!" The American blows a bubble with
his chewing gum, then remarks, "We don't. In the States, we
only eat what's inside. We collect the crusts in containers,
recycle them, then transform them into croissants, and sell them
to France." The American has a smirk on is face. All the
while, the Frenchman listens in silence. "Do ya eat jelly
with the bread?" asks the American. "Of course!"
The American cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We
don't. In the States, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all
peel, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then
transform them into jam, and sell it to France." "And,
what do you Americans do with condoms once you've used them?"
asks the Frenchman. "We throw them away, of course,"
replies the American, with a dumbfounded look. The Frenchman
explains, "We don't. In France, we put them in a container,
recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to
America." OverboardSix Presidents were on a sinking
boat. 20 years of bad sexMa and Pa are sitting on the porch
swing one evening enjoying the warm breeze and the night sounds.
Suddenly, for no reason at all, Ma hauls off and slaps Pa up side
the head so hard he falls off the swing. Dazed, Pa gets up and
asks, 'What the hell was that for?' To which Ma replies, 'That's
for 20 years of bad sex!' Pa says nothing and gets back on the
swing. About 5 minutes of silence later, he hauls off and slaps
Ma up side the head equally hard. Ma gets up dazed and asks,
'What was that for?' To which Pa replies, 'That's for knowing the
damn difference!' Making ugly facesFinding one of her students making
faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently
reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher
said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made
ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."
Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say
you weren't warned." HoneymoonA couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "What are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it one more time. The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole."
How wonderful modern medicine is!A man goes to visit his 85-year-old
grandfather in the hospital. "How are you grandpa?" he
asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's
the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus." "And
the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young
nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping?
Do you sleep OK?" "No problem at all --- nine hours
solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot
chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a
light." The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by
this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What
are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving
an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be
true?" "Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every
night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a
Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The hot chocolate makes
him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed." Black Box in carsThe National Transportation Safety
Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with
the U.S. auto maker for the past five years, whereby the auto
makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up
trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the
circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. Two statuesIn a city park stood two statues,
one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other
for many years. Early one morning an angel appeared before the
statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary
statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving
you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You
have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire." And with that
command, the statues came to life.
The dateA young guy drops off his
girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When
they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one
hand and says to her, "How about a blowjob?"
Driven under the influence ...A cop is staking out a bar for
drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the
bar, trip on the curb and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets in his car, it takes him another five
minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else
leaves the bar and drives off. When he finally pulls away, the
cop is waiting for him, pulls him over and gives him a
Breathalyzer test. The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of
0.0.
What a girl wants ...A group of girlfriends is on
vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads:
"For Women Only". Since they are without their
boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in. The Bouncer, a
very attractive guy, explains to them how it works.
Divorce ...A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, "Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years, but, I want a divorce." The husband says nothing but slowly increases speed to 60 mph. She then says, "I don't want you to try to talk me out of it, because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and he's a better lover than you." Again the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his hands on the wheels. She says, "I want the house." Again the husband speeds up, and now is doing 70 mph. She says, "I want the kids too." The husband just keeps driving faster, and faster, until he's up to 80 mph. She says, "I want the car, the checking account, and all the credit cards too." The husband slowly starts to veer toward a bridge overpass piling, as she says, "Is there anything you want?" The husband says, "No, I've got everything I need right here." She asks, "What's that?" The husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, "I've got the airbag!"
Secret To A Long MarriageA married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all of the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage we have never needed to make a MAJOR decision."
Seeking AssistanceA man went to see his Rabbi. He stated in a very serious tone, ""Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked, "How can that be?" The man then pleaded, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then said, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi called the man and said, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man anxiously replied, "Yes." "Take the poison," said the Rabbi.
Intolerable ...One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle. While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence. The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra. This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the tallywacker. With a death grip in place she said, You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the pool man and your brother.
Heaven and HellJeff and Dirk were in an accident, and killed instantly. Upon Jeff's arrival to the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. "Where is my friend Dirk?" Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, "Well, Dirk was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven." Jeff was bothered by this and asked, "Well, could I see Dirk one more time just to be sure he is OK?" So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Dirk, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous sexy blonde in a bikini, and a keg of beer. "I don't mean to complain, but Dirk seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell," says Jeff. "It's not as it appears to be," says St. Peter. "You see, the keg has a hole in it............. and the blonde doesn't."
Leftover gifts ...Seems God was just about done creating the Universe, but had two extra things left in his bag of creations. So, He decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. It's a very handy thing, God told the couple. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted the ability?" Adam jumped up and blurted out, "Oh, give that to me. I'd love it. Please, oh please, let me have that ability. It would be great. When I'm out working in the garden, I could just stand there and let it fly. It would be so cool, I could write my name in the sand. Oh, please God, let it be me who you give that gift to." On and on he went like an excited little boy... Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he should have it. She added it was the sort of thing that would make him happy and she wouldn't mind if Adam was the one given this ability. And so, Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his urine while in a vertical position. He was so happy, he celebrated by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him and laughing with delight all the while. And it was good. Fine, God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts. "What's left in here? Oh yes, Multiple Orgasms... "
I hated going to weddings ...When I was younger I hated going to weddings...it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped that stuff after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Are you afraid ...A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?" The man replied, "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't." said the man. "Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan. "Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone. "Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, physical AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep," was the calm reply. "And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope." More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."
Adam and Eve ...In the beginning, the plan for a devine human design was painstakingly implemented. "The nerve endings," said St. Peter, "how many will I put in her hands?" "How many did we put in Adam?" asked The Lord. "Two hundred, O Mighty One." "Then we shall do the same for the woman." "How many nerve endings should we put in woman's genitals, O Mightiest?" "How many did we put in Adam?" "Four hundred twenty, O Mighty One." "Oh yeah, now I remember, we wanted Adam to habe a little fun procreating, didn't we? Do the same for woman." "Yes, O Great Lord." "Wait! Hold it, Pete, Give her ten thousand, it'd be a hoot to hear her scream out my name..."
The new parrot ...A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00. "Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad." When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores." The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation. Moments later, the woman's husband, Keith, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Keith."
And here now some small funny thingsInstant asshole, just add alcohol ! |
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Ein reeller GeschäftsmannBei einer Weinprobe in einer Mainzer Kellerei entdeckt ein
Kunsthändler unter leeren Kisten einen dicke verstaubten
Wälzer. Bei näherem Hinsehen entpuppt sich der Fund als
Bibel des Mainzers Gutenberg aus dem Jahre 1455. Warum ich gestern nicht zur Arbeit erschienen binWarum ich gestern nicht zur Arbeit erschienen bin? Nun, wissen
Sie, ich war eigentlich ganz pünktlich fertig, hätte
mich auch sicher rechtzeitig auf die Strümpfe gemacht -
haha, das brauchen Sie nicht wörtlich zu nehmen, das sage
ich nur so, ich stand schon vor meiner Wohnungstür und
wollte gerade von außen abschließen, als mir jemand
höflich aber bestimmt die Hand auf die Schulter legte. Ich
schaute in ein vertrauenerweckendes Gesicht, und eine
vertrauenerweckende Stimme sagte zu mir: Das Manager SeminarManager-Seminar mit 30 Herren aus der mittleren Führungsebene.
Treffen im Tagungshotel am letzten Tag. Fragen an Gott - Antworten von GottClinton: Sag mal Gott, wann haben die Menschen die Sache mit
"Monica" vergessen? Jelzin: Bitte, Gott, wann habe ich die Wirtschaftsprobleme in
meinem Land gelöst? Kohl: Lieber Gott, wann habe ich die Arbeitslosigkeit
halbiert? In der Bar ...Der kleine Mann saß an der Theke und starrte auf seinen
Drink. Er bewegte sich eine halbe Stunde lang überhaupt
nicht. Da kam dieser große Rocker an die Theke, nahm dem
Mann seinen Drink und kippte ihn auf einmal hinunter. Da fing der
kleine Mann zu weinen an. Da sagte der Rocker, " Na,na so
schlimm war es doch nicht, ich hab mir nur einen Spaß
erlaubt. Ich kauf Ihnen einen neuen Drink, ich kann keinen Mann
weinen sehen." Der kleine Mann sagte: " Nein, das ist
es nicht. Heute ist der schlimmste Tag meines Lebens! Heute
Morgen habe ich verschlafen und kam zu einem wichtigen Treffen zu
spät. Darauf hin hat mich der Chef rausgeschmissen. Als ich
zur Straße runterkam, war mein neuer Wagen gestohlen und
die Polizei sagte, sie könne gar nichts tun. Dann habe ich
ein Taxi nach Hause genommen, zahlte den Fahrer und wollte ins
Haus gehen. Da bemerkte ich, daß ich meine Brieftasche im
Taxi liegen gelassen hatte. Als ich ins Haus ging, fand ich meine
Frau mit dem Gärtner im Bett. Da wurde ich richtig
deprimiert und kam in diese Kneipe. Und gerade als ich meinem
Leben ein Ende setzen wollte, kamen SIE daher und trinken mir
mein Gift weg!" ScheidungHans und Maria wollen sich scheiden
lassen. Der Richter fragte: "Wie alt sind sie?" Wer hat mehr Spaß am Sex?Ein Mann und eine Frau saßen
an der Bar und diskutierten über männliche/weibliche
Gegensätze. Sie sprachen über die die besseren
Sportler, die besseren Unterhaltungsstars und so weiter. Nach
einer Weile kam natürlich auch die Sprache auf Sex. Sie
stritten sich darüber, wer mehr Spaß daran habe. Der
Mann sagte:" Es ist ganz klar, Männer haben mehr Spaß
am Sex!. Warum glaubst Du, das wir immer so darauf erpicht sind,
mit euch ins Bett zu steigen?" Er legte seinen Standpunkt
endlos dar, fragte sogar andere männliche Gäste, die
ihm natürlich zustimmten. Die Frau hörte geduldig zu
bis er fertig war. Dann sagte Sie: "Das beweist überhaupt
nichts. Denk einmal nach: Wenn Dir Dein Ohr juckt und Du steckst
Deinen kleinen Finger hinein und wackelst damit herum, und dann
nimmst Du den Finger wieder heraus, was fühlt sich jetzt
besser an - der Finger oder das Ohr?" Ein Betrunkener im BeichtstuhlEin Betrunkener torkelte in die
Kirche und setzte sich in den Beichtstuhl und sagte gar nichts.
Der verwirrte Pfarrer hüstelte kurz, um auf sich aufmerksam
zu machen aber der Betrunkene schwieg weiter. Jetzt klopfte der
Pfarrer in einem letzten Versuch dreimal an die Wand. Der
Betrunkene sagte daraufhin: "Brauchst gar nicht klopfen,
mein Freund, hier gibt es auch kein Klopapier" Wer designte den Menschen?Drei Ingenieurstudenten stritten
sich um den möglichen Designer des menschlichen Körpers.Der
erste sagte: "Es muß ein Maschinenbau-Ingenieur
gewesen sein - schaut Euch nur alle diese Gelenke an!"Der
zweite sagte: "Nein, es muß ein Elektroingenieur
gewesen sein. Das Nervensystem ist ein Wunderwerk an elektrischer
Verkabelung." Der dritte sagte: " Das kann nur ein
Bauingenieur gewesen sein. Wer würde sonst das Abflußsystem
mitten durch den Vergnügungspark legen?" Ein Makler im PechDer Makler stellte eine neue, sehr
gut aussehende Sekretärin ein und wollte sofort mit ihr
anbändeln. Aber nach ein paar Wochen war er mit ihrer
Leistung nicht mehr zufrieden. Sie kam zu spät zur Arbeit,
erledigte ihre Aufgaben nur schlampig und machte im allgemeinen
einen lustlosen Eindruck. Endlich nahm der Boss sie zur Seite und
sprach mit ihr: " Paß auf, mein Liebling, nur weil wir
ein paar mal zusammen im Bett waren, heißt das noch lange
nicht, dass Du Deine Arbeit vernachlässigen kannst. Wer hat
Dir eigentlich erlaubt immer zu spät zu kommen und überhaupt
so schlampig zu arbeiten?"Die Sekretärin erwiderte: "
Mein Anwalt" Das erste Rendez-vousEin Mann nahm ein Mädchen zu
Ihrem ersten Rendezvous mit. Es wurde Mitternacht und sie fuhren
zu einer einsamen Stelle und parkten da. Nach dem StartDas Flugzeug startete vom Kennedy Airport. Nachdem es seine Reiseflughöhe erreicht hatte, begrüßte der Kapitän die Fluggäste: " Sehr geehrte Fluggäste, hier spricht Ihr Kapitän. Ich möchte Sie Ihm Namen der Crew zu Flug nac Los Angeles 232 willkommen heißen. Das Wetter ist gut und wir sollten einen ruhigen Flug haben. Lehnen Sie sich zurück und genießen Sie den Flug---OH MEIN GOTT!" Stille Dann kam der Kapitän wieder ans Mikrofon und sagt: Meine lieben Fluggäste, es tut mir leid, wenn ich Sie gerade erschreckt habe, aber während ich mit Ihnen sprach, hat mir eine Stewardess einen Kaffe gebracht und ihn versehentlich über meine Hose geschüttet. Sie sollten mal die Vorderseite meiner Hose sehen!" Ein Passagier in der Touristenklasse bemerkte: "Das ist noch gar nichts. Er sollte mal die Rückseite meiner Hose sehen!"
Ein Teppichleger bei der ArbeitDer Teppichleger hat gerade seine
Arbeit beendet, der Teppich war gelegt. Er ging nach draußen,
um eine zu rauchen. Da bemerkte er, daß er seine Zigaretten
verloren hatte. Er ging zurück in den Raum und bemerkte, daß
in der Mitte des frisch gelegten Teppichs ein kleiner Hügel
war. Er murmelte zu sich selbst: "Wegen einer Packung
Zigaretten reiß ich den Teppich nicht wieder auf". Er
nahm seinen Hammer und klopfte den kleinen Hügel flach.
In der Wüste ...Zwei Motorradfahrer, Toni und Gerd,
rasen bei einer Wüsten Rallye durch den Sand. Als sie einen
Busch am Wegesrand entdecken, halten sie an, um zu pieseln.
Plötzlich schießt eine Schlange hervor und beißt
Toni in dessen bestes Stück. Kreidebleich sinkt dieser in
den Sand, Gerd holt rasch das Funkgerät und funkt den Arzt
um Hilfe an.
Frau erschlagen ...Ein Mann steht vor Gericht, weil er seine Frau erschlagen hat. Richter: "Das ist ein sehr brutales Vergehen. Wenn Sie mit etwas Milde rechnen wollen, muessen Sie uns schon eine Begruendung geben." Der Mann: "Die war so doof, die musste ich einfach erschlagen!" Richter: "Das ist ja noch viel schlimmer. Wenn Sie nicht wollen, dass die Geschworenen Sie von vornherein schuldig sprechen sollen, dann geben Sie uns bitte eine plausible Erklaerung." Darauf der Mann: "Das war folgendermassen. Wir wohnten in einem Hochhaus im 13. Stock und im ersten Sock wohnte eine reizende Portiersfamilie, die hatte drei Kinder. Es war schrecklich! Die waren so klein geblieben, von Natur aus. Der Zwoelfjaehrige war 80cm gross, der 19-jaehrige 90cm. Ich kam eines Tages hoch zu meiner Frau und sage: Das ist schon was Schlimmes mit den Kindern unserer Nachbarfamilie. 'Ja,' sagt meine Frau, 'das ist ein richtiges Pyrenaeengeschlecht.' Ich sage: 'Nein, was Du meinst, sind Pygmaeen.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Pygmaeen, das ist das, was der Mensch unter der Haut hat, davon kriegt er Sommersprossen.' Ich sage: 'Das ist Pigment.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Pigment, darauf haben die alten Roemer geschrieben.' Ich sage: 'Das ist Pergament!' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Pergament ist, wenn ein Dichter etwas anfaengt und nicht zu Ende macht...' Herr Richter, Sie koennen sich vorstellen, ich verschlucke mir das Fragment, ich setze mich in meinen Lehnstuhl und lese Zeitung. Ploetzlich kommt meine Frau mit einem Satz, ich denke, jetzt ist sie irrenhausreif - 'Liebling, guck mal, was hier steht!' Sie macht ein Buch auf, zeigt auf eine Textstelle und sagt: 'Das Sonnendach des Handtaeschchens war die Lehrerin des Zuhaelters 15.' Ich nehme das Buch an mich und sage, aber Schatz, das ist ein franzoesisches Buch, da steht: 'La Marquise de Pompadour est la Maitresse de Lois XV. Das heisst: Die Marquise von Pompadour war die Maetresse von Ludwig dem 15.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'das musst du woertlich uebersetzen: La Marquise - das Sonnendach Pompadour - das Handtaeschchen la Maitresse - die Lehrerin Lois XV - der Zuhaelter 15 Ich muss das schliesslich ganz genau wissen, ich habe extra fuer meinen Franzoesischunterricht einen Legionaer angestellt.' Ich sage: 'Du meinst einen Lektor.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Lektor war der griechische Held des Altertums.' Ich sage: 'Das war Hektor, und der war Trojaner.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Hektor ist ein Flaechenmass.' Ich sage: 'Das ist ein Hektar.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Hektar ist der Goettertrank. Ich sage: 'Das ist der Nektar.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Nektar ist ein Fluss in Sueddeutschland.' Ich sage: 'Das ist der Neckar.' Meine Frau: 'Du kennst wohl nicht das schoene Lied: Bald gras ich am Nektar, bald gras ich am Rhein, das habe ich neulich mit meine Freundin im Duo gesungen.' Ich sage: 'Das heisst Duett.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Duett ist, wenn 2 Maenner mit einem Saebel aufeinander losgehen.' Ich sage: 'Das ist ein Duell.' 'Nein,' sagt meine Frau, 'Duell ist, wenn eine Eisenbahn aus einem dunklen finsteren Bergloch herauskommt.' Herr Richter - da habe ich einen Hammer genommen und habe sie totgeschlagen..." Betretenes Schweigen, dann der Richter: "Freispruch, ich haette sie schon bei Hektor erschlagen..."
Nun noch ein paar Kleinigkeiten, die nicht fuer einen ganzen Witz reichenPopulanten von Domizilen mit transparenter,
fragiler Epidermis, sollten von der Transformation von
Mineralfragmenten zu Projektilen, absehen. |
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